I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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