I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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