Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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