The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
