YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
