my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
