The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
