It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
