I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
