Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
