there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
