He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
