Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
