dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
