Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
