I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
