I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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