remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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