planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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