It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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