found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
