Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
