and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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