New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
