go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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