I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
