Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
this hospital has no fireball
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
