I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
