Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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