if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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