i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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