K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
