the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she smelled like a LAN party
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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