so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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