Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
