My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
