i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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