How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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