There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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