i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Still dying that you shit outside
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
