I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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