Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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