drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
