shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize