I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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