I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
