the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
