My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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