Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
