I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
