I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
