I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
