If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
