i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
