yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
