did you get engaged???
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
