There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
