areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
