Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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