In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
