I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize