You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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