Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
