Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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