the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
