Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
