After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
