I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
