I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
