i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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