You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
