Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
